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BABY SHOWER ETIQUETTE FAQ’s:
1. Who can host a baby shower?
Traditionally, the host of a baby shower is a close friend of the mom-to-be. Since the purpose of a baby shower is to “shower” the mom-to-be with gifts, you should not host your own baby shower. If someone does not offer to throw you a baby shower, then you can always host a “Welcome Home Baby” party after the baby is born to celebrate his/her arrival.
2. Is it ok to have a baby shower for my second (or subsequent) baby?
These days, celebrating the birth of a second (or subsequent) child by having a baby shower is appropriate, particularly if it has been several years since the first one was born, and/or the baby is of opposite sex. If the child is born shortly after the previous one and happens to be the same sex, a “Welcome Home Baby” party may be a better option, since it can be assumed that the mother already has most of the baby items she’ll need. Having this type of party rather than a traditional shower will give people the opportunity to meet the new baby and celebrate his/her arrival without the pressure of giving a gift (most people will probably bring a gift anyway!).
3. When should the shower be held?
Baby showers are usually given anywhere between the seventh and ninth month. You don't want to have the party too close to the due date of the mom-to-be in case she delivers earlier than expected, but when she is sporting a large belly at the party, it makes it more fun, so don't host it too early. Check with the mom-to-be to see what works for her.
4. Where should it be held?
Most baby showers are held in someone's home. But restaurants, churches, banquet facilities, and parks are all nice options if your budget allows.
BRIDAL SHOWER FAQ’s:
Who can throw a bridal shower?
Traditionally, bridal shower etiquette says that close family members of the bride (particularly mothers) are not supposed to throw the shower; the host is usually a close friend, bridesmaid, or other family member.
When should a bridal shower be held?
Ideally, the bridal shower is held 1-2 months before the wedding, but there is nothing wrong with it being held earlier, provided that it’s convenient for the bride.
Who should be invited to the bridal shower?
The mother-of-the-bride and mother-of-the-groom should always be invited to the shower, as well as stepmothers on both sides. Sisters of the bride and groom are generally invited to every bridal shower, but have the option of choosing to attend just one. Keep in mind that people who are not invited to the wedding should not be invited to the bridal shower. Other than that, the bride and host should work together to come up with the guest list. Numbers should be kept within the host’s budget. “Couples showers” are becoming more popular, but remember that this usually doubles the guest list.
Where should the bridal shower be held?
There really is no rule on this one, but one exception I would make is that you should never ask guests to pay for their own meal at a shower. So, no matter what the bride prefers, do not plan to have the shower at a restaurant if it is not going to fit within your budget.
Bridal shower games: are they necessary?
Games are not required as part of a bridal shower, but they often help to “break the ice” when the guests may not know each other. If games are not going to be played, it’s a good idea to begin the shower with introductions.
Thank you notes: should I send them?
Sending a thank you note to each person you receive a gift from is an absolute must. If several people contribute towards one gift, you should write each person a thank you note. Send the notes within a couple of weeks of the shower, and don't forget an extra special thank you (even a small gift) for the host.
Ask Agnes…
*Please note that the advice offered here is based on one person's opinions, and should be read with a sense of humor. Agnes does not claim to be an expert on the rules of etiquette. Please consider purchasing a book or consulting an expert for a more comprehensive guide to formal etiquette, particularly if you dislike the word "tacky", as Agnes tends to use it frequently when addressing the inappropriate actions of others.
Dear Agnes:
How should I let people know that children are not invited to attend our wedding?
- Megan N., Scottsdale, AZ
Since invitations are about including people rather than excluding people, do not state on your invitation that children are not allowed. Your intention should be understood by the way you address your invitations; however, there will always be a few people who assume that they can bring their kids. Do not bend the rules for one person, because you will have to do the same for everyone. Be sure to spread the word about your "no kids" rule, particularly if you have out-of-town guests who will have children with them. No one wants to find out at the last minute that they cannot bring their child to your wedding when they are traveling and have made no arrangements for child care. Not only does this make for an uncomfortable situation, but it is unfair to your guests if they cannot plan accordingly and are making the trip to celebrate your special day.
Dear Agnes:
I have heard of people setting up a "honeymoon fund" in lieu of gifts and was thinking of doing this for my wedding; however, my mom doesn't think it's appropriate. What should I do?
- Katherine T., Austin, TX
Honeymoon registries (in which guests contribute to a couple's honeymoon fund) are becoming more popular and can be created online or through a travel agency. However, there are plenty of people who may find it tacky and will be more comfortable purchasing a gift or giving cash, so it's a good idea to create a traditional gift registry as well. If you decide to create a honeymoon registry, politely let people know about it by word of mouth, or you can include a link to your registry on your wedding website (if you have created one).
Dear Agnes:
I’m having trouble making seating arrangements for my reception. Several of my friends do not get along with each other and I’m trying to avoid seating them at the same table, but it’s been difficult since I’m having a small wedding and running out of seating options. Do you have any advice?
- Lindsay W., San Jose, CA
My advice is not to worry about who doesn’t get along with who. If you are talking about only a few people and are able to make arrangements for them to sit at different tables, that’s great. But this is your special day, and assuming we are talking about adults here, these people should be able to “suck it up” for one evening and realize that this is not about them. That being said, you can always warn them ahead of time and apologize for having to seat them at the same table, but do not go overboard with your apology. Simply let them know that you had no other choice, as your seating options are limited and that you hope everyone will be able to get along on your special day.
Dear Agnes:
My best friend has decided she wants to have three separate bridal showers. I have offered to throw her a shower at my home, but she wants to have a lingere shower and a “couple’s shower” so that her fiancé can be a part of the celebration as well. So far, I am the only one who has offered to throw her a shower, but I cannot afford to host more than one party. What should I tell her?
Amy S., Houston, TX
Your friend is lucky to have a caring friend such as yourself. You are offering your time and money in order to throw her a party to celebrate this special occasion. A bridal shower is a gift, given by the person who offers to host it. A bride should never expect a shower, much less more than one, to be thrown for her.
I do not think you are obligated to say anything to her. You have already offered to throw her a shower, and if she mentions anything about having another one, you can say something like “well, maybe someone will offer to throw you a lingerie shower”. This way you are making it clear to her that you are not going to be doing anything more than what you have already offered.
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